HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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