It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
is it fun? or sober?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize