he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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