Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize