Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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