My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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