I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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