I faked an abortion last night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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