Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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