Your face is a jimmy john
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
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Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
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I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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