There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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