once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize