sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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