okay pat passed out under dana's car
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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