Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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