My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize