..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize