just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize