mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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