pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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