A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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