If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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