I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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