Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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