i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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