the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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