Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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