I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Terrible idea I love it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize