just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize