I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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