Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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