great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish I only lived at night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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