Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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