So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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