how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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