Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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