neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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