she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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