he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
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