i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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