you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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