brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
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Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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