Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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