Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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