somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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