I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize