he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
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Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
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He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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