Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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