If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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