I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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